To know me is to know I'm not a hateful person. I love most everyone. I agree with most any opinion. But there is one thing I know I hate. One thing I hate beyond all belief. It is a word. A word that I, being of sound mind and body, cannot utter. It's a bad word. A very very bad word. This word is so bad, I yell at people for saying it without thinking about who is saying it. I can't listen to Rap music because of it. In my family, physical altercations (fighting) are never condoned, yet, I've seen a member of my family swing at people for saying it. I don't believe there is ever a justification for saying it. I hate this word. I've been called a lot of words in my life. Fag, Spic, Faggot, Honkey, Whitey, Hillbilly, Cracker, Wetback, Dryback (don't ask), Queer, Homo, Butt Pirate...and I can deal with that. I can say those words out loud. I can't say this word. I can't type this word. I don't like the fact that I can think this word. I love my town. I love the people from it. That is a fact...but there is also the fact that everyone there hasn't always been so nice. They are now. Please don't misunderstand that. But to know why I hate this word, you must understand why. Growing up as a half-breed kid in a small rural town in the early eighties was by no means an easy thing. It was the eighties. The Japanese were buying up everything. Reagan was awesome. We still had cartoons on Saturday mornings. Carrie took me and Tami to the pool to teach us to swim. That's where I heard the word. The bad word I hate. You might ask, why did they call you that? Well, they didn't have anything else to call me... They didn't know any better. I did. I knew then and I know now. It's a word you don't use. You can tell me I'm over reacting, but you know I'm not. I am kind of glad people called me that as a kid. It made me that much more tolerant of stupidity as I got older. Yes, I think you are stupid if you use that word. I don't care who you are. I hate that word. The N-Word has no place in the English language.

Tonight I was reading the news and I came across the story that the US Supreme Court was considering taking the case regarding the "right" of the Westboro Baptist Church lead by Fred Phelps to protest at funerals, specifically military funerals. I do not feel that this is covered by the First Amendment. This is not Free Speech. This is hate speech. A friend of mine (who I respect very much) pointed out that my desire to quiet this type of behavior is similar to those in the South whom 45 years ago wanted MLK Jr. quieted. I must disagree. King was fighting for rights of the minority. King wanted everyone to work together. King wasn't carrying signs that said "Down with Honkey" or "White ain't right". King wasn't trying to destroy a way of life. He was trying to better his own. Back to Pastor Phelps. I wouldn't be against him if he were holding signs that said "Prayer in School" or "The World Needs God". Even if you don't agree with them, you have to admit they aren't hurting you in any way. Unfortunately, these are not the signs he's holding. You can't yell FIRE in a crowded theatre. You can't make a threat against the life of the President. Why? They can cause harm. Hate Speech does the same. Do not protest my ability to exist and I will be sure to return the favor. Ironically protesting gays during a military funeral (as homosexuals can't currently join our Armed Forces without being silent) just makes no sense. You would think that SOMEONE at a military funeral would have a gun... Oh, wait, that's my argument for the 2nd amendment.

So, I'm back at my old company, but not back in my old position. I went from being the senior Supervisor over a program to being hired back on as a temporary employee. It's a very strange feeling, but not a bad one by any means. Today I got trained for a new program which was VERY similar to the one I worked on a sup. Today, our trainer, Vic, was pointing out the do's and don't of the program and admitted to a mistake he'd made in the past. He also pointed out to the class that I was the one that wrote him up for it. I was his supervisor and now he's my boss. In fact...I was most of my new supervisors' boss at one time or another from my previous history at the company. I can imagine for some people this would probably make them uncomfortable. Not me. It makes me happy. VERY happy. It is nice to see their success. After all, their success is my success at least in my mind. Had I not returned I would have never seen it. Even without returning, they would still have been successful. One day each one of us is bound be leave a place...forever. But until then, every day is a chance to to make a difference. Even though we won't get to see the results, we still have the chance to be the cause of results. People keep asking me why I'm always in such a good mood. I get to go to work every day and see what I see. You'd be pretty happy too!

So, I did it. I moved home. 

For anyone even slightly curious, I suggest google mapping NOKOMIS, IL.  Population about 2500 people.  We have two fast food restaurants.  Two private parochial schools.  .  Two drive up liquor stores.  Two gas stations.  Two banks.  Two Auction Houses.  Two Specialty Shops (a wine store and a book store).   Two of practically everything.  But, to me...it is my one home.  

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You ever have one of those days where you just don't want to get out of bed and so, you don't?  I was supposed to go have breakfast with Neil and then hang out with Brittany today, but I didn't get out of bed.  I didn't want to.  I didn't have to.  The problem is, I needed to. 
I told my dad, if I don't have a job by January 28th, I'm packing up and moving home.  That is 10 days from now.  I won't have a job by then but not because I haven't found one.  I stopped looking today.  I didn't get out of bed.  I didn't want to.

I've become one of those bad commercials for depression.  To know me, you'd probably find it odd.  I try to come off as one of those "happy go lucky, glass is always full" kind of people.  Inside, I'm not.  I'm more helpless than anything. 

I like to think of myself as the kind of guy who helps little old ladies across the street.   I am that guy.  I expect nothing in return.  Nothing is exactly what I've got to show for it.  So, today I laid in bed.  Little old ladies can fend for themselves.  

Tomorrow will be a better day.  That is the motto I run by.  Today I did my best, but tomorrow I will do better.  Today I can actually say I did my best.  I had nothing to work with and I did my best to deal with it.  Tomorrow, I will do better... 

Diversity is the key to survival. Without change and being open to variety business would fail, crops would die, topsoil would wash away. It is essential to life. My friends and family are as diverse. Each one unique and special in their own way.
There are those who are Republicans, those who are Democrats, Those who are even Socialist. There are those who are Christian be it Catholic, Baptist or Mormon. There are those who arn't Christian, be it Jewish, Athiest, or Buddist. There are those from Australia, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa and North America. Spanish, English, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Russian, and Polish are just a few of the languages my friends and family speak.
There are those that like a good steak and those who think meat is murder. There are those who like their tequila with no training wheels and those who don't drink alcohol ever. Some served in the Marines, the Air Force, The Navy, The Coast Guard, the Peace Corps, The Army...there are others who think war is wrong...there are others who couldn't join if they wanted. There are those who have served time in prison and those who protect and serve. There are those who came to this country for a better life, and those who left this country to help others with a better life.
There are those who live in the jungle and those who live in an urban jungle...those who watch the sun rise on the Pacific, and those who watch the sunset on the Atlantic. There are those who had households with both parents, with one parent, with two dads and with two moms....there are those who had no parents. There are those who are alive and well...and those who have died from Cancer and AIDS and Car Crashes and Suicide....and those living with Diabetes, HIV and a variety of ailments both mental and physical. There are those who are straight, those who are gay, those who are dating and those who are married. There are those who have found love and those who pray for it to find them.
It makes me sad that there are those who have to worry about the one they love being deported because their union isn't recognized by the state. It makes me sad that there are those that worry about having their kids taken away because their families aren't what others think they should be. It makes me sad that because they've lost their jobs, they have to worry about health insurance. It makes me sad that because of their religious views, to publicly bash the more conservative of my friends as bigots has become ok.
Do I want to get married? - No, but I think that if two people have build a life together, they should have that life protected by the law. Do I want to have kids? - No, but I don't think someone who wants, but can't have children naturally should be denied that right because their lifestyle is different. Do I want to pay higher taxes because the government is taking control of the healthcare system? No, but I don't want others to have to choose between medicine and food.

 So, to those of you who think that bashing Mormons is ok, please take into consideration you are bashing my inlaws and my friends. To those of you who think Gay Rights are Special Rights, please take into consideration that history repeats itself, and 12 Million people were murdered because they didn't need rights either. To those that use the religious text to justify their viewpoint should consider that Racism, Slavery, Genocide and War are justified through such texts. To those who specifically use the Bible as justification, I will say this - WE as Christians are followers of Jesus Christ. Not of the apostles or prophets.
"This is my commandment, that we love one another as I have loved you" - John 15:12.

 I love everyone of my friends and family. I want all of them to be happy in everything they do.
Stop the hate.